What I want to be when I grow up

Sometimes, I think I'm crazy. Not institutionalize me crazy, but definitely out of the box thought. I have have imaginary conversations with my niece where she asks me what I want to be when I grow up. Two options come to mind, Santa Claus and Superman. I am completely serious. Maybe not Superman, but maybe a more interesting superhero like the Doctor. I'm still completely serious about Santa though. I don't want to be Santa because of the flying reindeer or elves or the obvious power at his disposal. I want to be Santa because Santa can give people a little piece of magic when they need it. It is in the ability to show a child they are safe and loved. It is giving children the power to choose joy. It's reminding people of generosity. I realize it isn't christmas, but this is how I feel when I hang out with Ruthie and Nadia and sometimes Chase. I hope they keep reminding me to maintain that spirit.

Concerns about Black Friday

The video above genuinely scares me. It is one thing to market your products for a shopping season. What concerns me is the season this store is advertising isn't Christmas or some other holiday with a more relational purpose. It is celebrating Black Friday. A time that is entirely dedicated to either spending money or making money depending on who you are. I get not wanting to alienate those with different holidays than the mainstream. But this celebrates something much more insidious to me, prioritizing money or stuff over people. This commercial is simply an example of the situation in question. It is what drives stores to require their employees to work on Thanksgiving which is widely celebrated as a time to spend with your family. I don't want people to be required to ignore their families when they don't have to. There are jobs that mandate working on a holiday for good reason: doctors, police, road maintenance, travel industries, sometimes even grocery stores. I don't always like it, but I see why those professionals would be required to work. Retail is not an essential service for the most part so, why do businesses treat it like one? The priority of any service should be people, not stuff. I'm scared that many in our country may forget that.

Checking a website to make sure it updates blogs

I'm trying to design a website for my church and I have to import all the data and make sure everything is easily accessible. but I want to add new ideas to like being able to access certain blogs I want to make sure sites update them. that is why I am writing this post. I may go into more detail later about the site in this article but for now i just want to see if the blog updates.

Why I'm Scared of a Fall Sermon Series

I want to make clear that none of this is to be used as doctrinal teaching. This is me expressing my emotions and experiences on the gay and lesbian community with personal interpretation of the bible that is likely wrong. If it is not wrong, thank God I understand His love better than I thought I did. If I have allowed myself to be lead astray, I ask for God's forgiveness and ask the reader's help for me to find the best ways to love the people around me.

A few weeks ago, my church had a sermon series called "Jesus, I Have a Question...". During one of the talks, Pastor Scott discussed many of the questions that were sent in. One of the categories of questions apparently merited its own sermon series in the fall. The topic was homosexuality. When I heard that, my heart filled with dread. Homosexuality is a topic of particular importance to me because quite a few member of my family are gay. These are people I deeply love and I am scared that this fall I will be a part of a community that seeks to condemn them. I've avoided this so far by allowing myself to exist in a grey area. I recognize that the most likely interpretations of certain biblical passages is that homosexuality is against God's law. I also recognize that those who are LGBT are unlikely to have chosen that experience for themselves. If I were in their position, being asked to not act on their feelings for one another would be horrible simply because they have no alternative. They can't be made straight. So instead of acting on God's law as I understand it, I ignore that part of the law and hope I have misinterpreted those passages or that the interpretation was corrupted by prejudice, misunderstanding or specificity of intent by the original writers. I do this because of the people I love and the fact that I have no desire to condemn the people around me. I don't want to go out of this grey area for that reason. I can't change the bible or people's opinions on homosexuality, but I can give people the points of reference I have used to reach the point I have come to and hope my openness won't condemn me, from either side. 

There has been quite a bit of commentary on homosexuality and I could go into quite a bit of it, but I have found it tends to end up in one of two categories. One, if it comes from a homosexual perspective and the person in question engages in quite a bit of assuming the conclusion. They try to ignore or dismiss parts of the bible that don't fit preconceived notions. Sometimes they do make valid points about differences or unclear translations in perspective, culture, and language from when the bible was written. This does not change the most likely interpretation of those passages probably refute those opinions and it is academically dishonest to teach that way, no matter how noble the intent. And listening to someone try to preach the bible by overlaying their opinions on passages that say the exact opposite of what they teach is not healthy. It happens in other contexts too, especially among those with strong political opinions. I don't like it when they do it in those contexts either. Two, if it comes from a more traditional perspective, there can be an impetus to act as even a mild enforcer of the law. Specifically, encouraging isolating or rebuking the offenders at minimum and actively persecuting them at max. I don't want to be judge, and jury, and executioner; especially since I don't fully understand how the original law forbids an unloving act. The only way I can see that as being an issue is if the people in question are deluding themselves and acting on that delusion in an abusive fashion. I cannot imagine deluding yourself into sexual attraction with someone of the same sex. So if no other abuse or coercion exists, then I have to conclude those in the homosexual community are telling the truth about their orientation. I have not seen evidence that they are lying or that coercion is being applied. The fact that they cannot choose who they are attracted to has to affect our interpretation of the law and how any laws have to be enforced.

So how does God interpret and enforce his law? Jesus did talk about this. One, he said the law was extremely important. 

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:17-20 NIV

He goes on to clarify these expectations in Matthew 5:21-48. He talks about hate, lust, injustice, debt, honor and talks about how God interprets these things. In every interpretation of the law, Jesus raises the bar for his followers, but always in a very specific fashion. The difficulties created in each law always seem to have a point behind them. Jesus didn't make the law hard for the sake of the challenge. Jesus made the law hard because the situations he refers to require sacrificial love, especially in his society. There are other instances where he lessens the requirements of the law. In Matthew 12:1-14, Jesus describes enforcing the sabbath as unreasonable when the enforcer ignores the point behind it, rest. Hunger and disability are not restful. Therefore, requiring either to observe the sabbath disregard the point of the law. He references other laws that when enforced without exception harm the point the laws were created protect in order to hammer home this point. So is homosexuality in our modern culture one of these exceptions? I don't know. I hope it is, but I need to be careful of false teaching as the passage in Matthew describes above. He goes on in other passages denouncing stumbling blocks placed in the path of the righteous and foolishly enforcing laws created by men with very serious consequences. I am not brave or equipped enough to express certainties in this area. 

Then comes the problem of choice again. Those in the gay community have certain options. They can believe the bible is being misinterpreted or wrong and act on their attraction. They can believe the interpretation of the bible is accurate and act on their attraction. They can remain completely celibate. They can act against their orientation and get married to the opposite sex, as well as probably other options. Many LGBT act on each of these ideas. What most people think of in the LGBT community is the first option, seeing the bible as wrong or misunderstood and acting contrary to that interpretation. Christians, especially more conservative christians, have a tendency to take this as an insult against God. They can respond with hate, fear, and self-righteousness. Those in the homosexual community can respond with defensiveness, anger, and fear; sometimes for good reason. Christians have been known to respond to the LGBT community with violence, justifying hate by saying they are obeying God's law. This not only ignores how Jesus enforced capital punishment( see John 8:2-11), it also drives the homosexual community away from the church in droves. Even assuming homosexuality is wrong and worthy of capital punishment, we as a church are not in a position to make judgements because we are sinners too and are worthy of the same stones we are ready to throw. And what if we are wrong? What if the church misunderstands the bible and acts on that misunderstanding in a sinful way? It's happened before, when we kept slaves. Christians have also completely disregarded the natural world by myopically interpreting the bible to cause extinction level events as well as disease, disaster and hunger throughout the world. Is it even remotely possible that we are wrong?

We also as christians have to consider what we ask people to do in order to be righteous. What do we as christians consider responsibly acting on a homosexual experience? We ask our brothers and sisters to remain celibate or live in an experience that they may find unlivable. As I have said before, I would find it difficult if not impossible to pretend I was sexually attracted to a man. Even if it meant it was the only way I could fit into the world at large. My aunt has more experience with this than I do and she discusses it at some point in the audio file below. Required celibacy, I have a little more experience with. I've never been on a date or in a romantic relationship. I can count on one hand the number of women I have asked out and one finger the number who have shown any confirmed interest in me. I have to say it is extremely lonely. I think there is a good reason God said it is not good for man to be alone. There are benefits to being single, but it is painful. I cannot imagine asking someone to endure it with no hope of an alternative. I can imagine remaining single from personal choice or because God asked you to in order to better know Him. But there is a reason in 1 Corinthians that Paul tells his students to only refrain from their spouses for a time. We are asking our brothers and sisters to endure temptation with no way out. If I got the courage to ask out enough women, I would eventually find a woman who could become my wife. And I could be happy with her. Someone in the LGBT community can't do that and it seems unfair that we put them in that position. There is not even a guarantee that people will leave them alone if they remain celibate. They can still be harassed or treated as a second class citizen or a convict from birth, especially in churches. It hurts to see this and it is frustrating.

I want people to remember that we are talking about actual persons, not a homogeneous group of people. I met a girl in middle school named Joy who, as it turned out, did not see herself as a girl. A few years after I met her, she became a young man named Will. A few years after that, he was murdered by a group of hateful people. There was a young man my family encountered while I was in college named Tim. His parents kicked him out of his home when he told them he was gay. He was still a junior in high school at the time. My family took him in to our house and he had to go to a new school for his senior year. he would not have been able to do that without my parents' help. I still consider him to be my brother and he still comes to family gatherings every once in a while. He lives in florida now. During his stay, my mom had an encounter with the mother of one of Tim's friends. That mother was concerned that Tim was alone in a room with her son who was apparently also gay. The form her concern took was not normal. If a parent was concerned that two heterosexual children of opposite sex were in a room alone together, that would have had some analogous precedent. That is not why she was concerned. She was concerned her son's friendship with Timmy was preventing the suicide of her child. My mom was so angry she told this woman to leave before she did something she would regret later. I remember having to help clean egg off the outside of our windows after my brother came out. At the time, it didn't connect that the two things were related( those who know me should not be surprised at my obliviousness.) Stories like this have happened over and over again to the people I know. It hurts, it is confusing, and the bible has not always helped.

I suspect at some point in the future my brother will fall in love with a guy and want to get married. My first instinct will be to be happy for him and to want to celebrate with him. My next instinct will be to question that first instinct. To wonder if i have allowed myself to be swayed by the world instead of by God. I wish I could love my brother and my future brother-in-law unconditionally, but fear stops me. I fear that the situation in front of me is not what it appears. I fear that my brother, the rest of my family, and I have deluded ourselves. Is it possible I have let the world sway me? Yes. Is it possible that fearful and prejudiced people have instilled a fear in me that I shouldn't have have? Also, yes. I have no choice. I have to be honest about my doubts and fears and loving the people around me anyway. I'm scared that my church will disown me for having these doubts or not let me serve as I feel God is calling me to. I'm scared that my family will be mad at me for allowing these doubts to exist at all. The only choice I have left to me is to love as best I can and let God judge who is wrong and wrong. I ask the reader to help me in this endeavor.

Below is an interview I conducted a few years ago with my aunt, her partner, as well as my brother all of whom are homosexual. The purpose of it was to listen to their experiences of their lives, their sexuality and their interactions with the christian community.

I want to share what it feels like for me to pray

This morning I had another article in mind, but I can't seem to pull up the intellectual energy to write it so I'm going to put up what I was planning to on Saturday.  What it feels like for me to pray.

To be clear, I am not Jesus nor do I have the same relationship with God that he did.  However, how I tend to talk to God is a lot like how this song goes.  I start walking with God, talking about an idea and slowly I start to understand what he tries to tell me.  It's like these little idea bubbles pop into your head or Elijah's still small voice.  I don't always understand them at first or I disagree with what they have in mind.  It's unnerving and really cool at the same time.

Has God ever given you just a taste of his majesty?  There is a bliss that you experience when you are close to his kindness and power.  It gives you an idea of what God's kingdom really means.

These are two prayers that I have

I want to share opportunities for online volunteering

First there is www.freerice.com.

The site is a series of educational flashcards.  If you get the answers right a certain about of food will be donated if you get it wrong it just skips to the next question.  The flashcards come in a variety of subjects in the humanities, math, language learning, English, chemistry, and geography as well as SAT preparation.

Another good place to volunteer is http://rollingjubilee.org/

A Jubilee is an event usually described in the Bible as a cancellation of all debts. That the essential goal of Rolling Jubilee.  They buy up bad debt and forgive it.  I was originally started by the Occupy Wall Steet movement.  They have already raised enough to buy $11,342,585 in debt and cancel it.  This is mostly a donation project. It does give information about debt but to really help it is a good idea to give them money if you want to help with this cause.

There are also research opportunities for volunteerism

The site http://phylo.cs.mcgill.ca/ has a game that helps scientists map genetic diseases.  It is a puzzle game where you match up corresponding pieces of DNA.  It eventually will help scientists deal with genetic diseases. apparently computers have a harder time doing it than humans

A similar site is http://eterna.cmu.edu/web/ this site asks you to create your own strands of RNA for use to find different possible medicines.  It is another puzzle game that asks you to use bonding to create different shapes for the molecule.

I am not being paid to advertise these sites. I just think they are interesting.  I would also like to put up more.  I specifically am looking for volunteer sites that have the visitor do something beyond a simple awareness campaign or at least provide information on how to act within their own communities.  Leave any suggestions in the comments section.

An Independent's review of the Christian Left

The Christian Left is a Facebook page that can be found here.  It is an essentially public forum that is intended to provoke discussions by those of Christian belief  from the political left.  There are many areas of concern that are discussed on that forum that I believe are also concerns of Jesus and should be the concerns of his followers.  There are also other aspects of the forum that I do not believe are conducive to christian community.
Jesus was always ministering to those who were marginalized in his society: the poor, women, foreigners, the sick and the imprisoned.  He walked among people healing those who were harmed and teaching methods of responding to the injustice surrounding him.  His followers continued that tradition through the millennia.  Many of the topics discussed on the Christian Left have the intent on continuing that mission.  Articles and petitions to respond to poverty abound.  Appeals to members to use wisdom in how they interact in the world: climate change and evolution are not false science. Homosexuality is not choosing to shake your fist at the loving God that created you but a genuine awareness people experience from childhood. Government and even taxes have a functions in our communities and dismissing them as interfering busybodies will occur at our own peril. The existence of poverty is an injustice, not an attempt to mooch off those who have done "real work."
The articles on economics and poverty are usually very interesting and the expectation of Christians to respect evidence that science provides and to honor the beliefs of those who believe differently than strict christian dogma is worthwhile. There are, however, things that make me uncomfortable about the site.  For one there is a maliciousness against people on the right.  Republicans are sometimes treated as the enemy instead of brothers and sisters you disagree with.  There is a justifiable anger and frustration with many on the Right, but there is something unloving about how the Christian Left tends to express it. Political figures are mocked and famous people who would disagree with the group are sometimes seen as vile destroyers of the public good or greedy villains out to take after their own interests at the expense of the public good.  I don't know if the theorized motivation behind their behavior is accurate.  I do know they are children of God and should be treated accordingly.  Christians should not root for one team or the other but root for justice.  Instead of trying to explain why God is on my side, ask continuously if I am on God's side.  This must be true for both the Left and the Right, for some reason neither is willing.  So let me try.
There is more than one side to the homosexuality debate.  The first is that Jesus respected the law, Matthew 5:17-20. There are certainly passages of the law that do not sound approving of homosexual behavior, interpretation issues aside. I will not go into the passages here( that would be for a different article that I may or may not write.) There is a tendency on the Christian Left to go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to explain why those passages are not what you think. To be fair, sometimes the Christian Left is correct, such as the Sodom and Gomorrah passages.  But sometimes the wording is too explicit to disregard this way.  Jesus did not discard the law, he simply pointed out the purpose to it, love.  On the side of the political Right, there is a tendency to forget that God's purpose for the law was and is to remind people to love. On the sides of the political Left as well as the Right, there is a dismissive attitude towards laws that doesn't fit a modern paradigm. The response on any side tends to be anger and vindictiveness instead of asking questions like why do you believe this law is justified or not? Are there more loving or economical ways to achieve the goals you are looking for? Or simply why do you believe the way you do? And force them to be more specific than "The Bible told me to." or "They are born that way."  Regardless of your position on this issue, discarding the rights of people you disagree with or dismissing someone as hateful or bigoted for similar reasons is not loving. There is a place for finding the truth but it can only be done in the context of a respectful relationship between brothers and sisters.
Abortion is always a controversial subject.  It is a tragedy in almost every way you look at it.  It is a protection against the evils of rape. It is a response by young women who are sexual beings, but who are not ready to deal with the consequences of their actions. It is the outcome of the lack of responsibility by men. It is the result of policies that create ignorance out of the delusion that we are teaching children instead of burgeoning adults. It requires people to treat even potential human life as a curse instead of a blessing on one hand or a woman as a whore and murder instead of as a human being made in the image of God that believes they will lose what they have or will be forced into parenting a child they can't handle.  Rationalizing either position is not a choice I would ever be willing to make, and I don't think society should make this decision either. It is a false choice to say one side or the other is a necessary evil, only a lack of creativity or patience in either party.
Evolution is another sore subject for christians. Christians often look delusional when debating evolution because the data is essentially in. Evolution is a better model to fit the facts.  However, what is at stake for christians is not facts it is a story that they build their lives on.  Evolution is not simply a set of facts, it has a story of its own and the story in many christian's opinions directly conflicts with the story of the Bible from the very beginning.  It is a billions year old creation by combat where humanity is insignificant and God is unnecessary. Combined on that there is a tendency by those in power to justify themselves by the stories taken to be true.  What happens when your story, your mythos is based on the principle of survival of the fittest? Maybe Social Darwinism, eugenics, Ayn Rand's philosophies, unchecked capitalism and empire? Evolution is rarely debated in this context because scientist are more concerned with it's veracity and christians are simply more interested in discrediting facts they don't like or are to lazy to understand fully. Scientists do not try to reshape the story of evolution because it is not part of their discipline. Christians don't reshape the story for the same reason the church was reluctant to respond to the heliocentric model.  False arguments had been used for years to bolster positions that were untrue and outside even the priorities of the church.
I make these arguments because I see in the Christian Left a certainty of position by many posters that I am not sure is warranted or is as mean spirited and delusional as anything said on the Right. Admittedly the site is basically a public forum. Anyone can post, but there are certain arguments that are tolerated that I am not sure should be.  People can argue with what I have described above and there is a distinct possibility that I am wrong in quite a bit of it. However, I feel the need to find ways to remind people that Jesus taught his followers to love and respect those they disagreed with or who disagreed with them. This task is extremely difficult and I ask the Christian Left to meet the challenge.